Who else can I still be?
I am not sure that I really want to be anyone else (if pushed though Oprah does spring to mind *smile. Sigh*). Seriously though, I think wanting to be someone else means that I am not satisfied or that I am unhappy with who I am, and I am neither one of those things. I
love like my life – with all its imperfections and pot holes. However there is always room for improvement, n’est pas?
There are things I would change about my past if I had a choice…
1. The type of
men, people I allowed into my life.
2. Not pursuing my dream of doing something along the creative lines earlier (but like it’s said, better late than never, huh?)
3. If I had known back then what I know now, I would never have started shaving my legs!
Then there are things I would love to learn to be….
1. More forgiving
3. Less critical
4. Calmer – especially when my 3 year old has me pulling my hair out by the roots!
5. More laid back – it doesn’t matter if that pile of laundry doesn’t get done.
6. Disciplined – not letting myself be distracted by things going on around me while the stuff I need to be giving my attention to suffers.
7. Less reactive – I have a habit of drawing conclusions before the whole story has been played out.
8. More adventurous – in the risks I take (I am definitely risk adverse at the moment), the clothes I wear, the places I go, and the boundaries I cross.
There are areas of me I want to explore and develop…
1. Writing – not anything as complicated as writing a book but simple stuff: like keeping a journal, poetry or writing a letter to my daughter each month, so that when she grows up I can make a gift of them to her.
2. Accepting myself for who I am and really understanding what I am about.
3. My faith, my beliefs and how I am living them out. Am I really being true to them? Do I implement them in my everyday doings? Do I allow them kick in only when I am backed into a corner? Am I embarrassed by them? If so, why? Why am I sometimes so quiet about them especially when I find myself in a group of people who are saying things contrary to what I believe? Hard questions.
4. My own sense of style – the colours that suit me, a signature scent, a cute haircut.
Then there are things I would like to learn NOT to be….
1. Worried about the future.
2. Concerned about what ‘other people’ would say, think, feel.
3. Affected by other peoples opinions of me.
4. Restricted by (mostly) self imposed glass ceilings – I tend to think in negatives first and the positives almost always have to be pointed out to me.
5. Feeling like my problems should pale into insignificance when I hear/read/see other peoples problems. Why should I feel this way? My problems are just as important as anybody else’s.
And for the future? I'd like to ...
1. Live abroad somewhere - preferably in sunnier climes, by the beach somewhere.
2. Have another child and then close shop.
3. Be a fantastic Wife and Mother
4. Grow my business into a global entity (and truly believe that I can)
5. Discover the secret of true happiness.
Labels: Sunday Scribbings